Originally Posted by redpepper
I agree with Sage. I think I would just leave the other relationships in all areas of your lives together alone while you sort this out. I think it would show that you seriously want this to work out between you both first and would give you a fresh start where no one has asked the other for anything.... it would be understood that once the work you need to do is done you will work towards starting new relationships.
Therapy is NOT about someone telling you how you feel! This is NOT good therapy... therapy is about someone walking beside you while you figure your shit out. They are there to invite you to look at things that maybe you have missed and to dig deeper in issues and emotions that you have.... Your partner doesn't seem to have a clue on this and I suggest he do some research... as I also think you could use some extra help here.
I agree RP. I have been in therapy before for many years in my way younger years. It would be nice to have a 3rd party who doesnt have emotions involved in the situation help the communication gap that I thought we had bridged long ago. I guess I just hate not knowing what he is thinking right now and hes still not explaining.
Im gonna sit down with him tonight and try to talk and see where he wants to go from here. Some of the comments made makes me know that hes just being down on himself because his job. He seems to think I should divorce him and find someone who could take care of me better..(which I find to be a load of crap )but he has stated he just wishes life wasnt paycheck to paycheck most the time and his job has just made some situations worse in the past 5 years. Lovely economy has to many companies not giving raises etc....I told him the other day I was tired of being pushed away only to be yanked back because he got scared I really was gonna walk out the door.
Sage I also wonder about him deciding that he was wrong to open up our marriage like this. Thats why I gave it so long before I opened up and considered. I didnt want it to be something he was just kidding about. For years of the every so often comments I just laughed. Then for a year straight almost daily is when I started to take him seriously. I hate that as soon as I start having feelings for someone else it has become a issue. And I feel wrong that I did.
I can hope he will open up and talk to me tonight. I know I cant keep going back and forth because of the mood shifts. On any situation. Its not just poly stuff that does this. It happens at other life hiccups too. And I do get worn out and feel like a monkey in the middle between the 2 sides of his emotions...
Im going to bring up these suggestions and thoughts and see if he will discuss it all with me. Thank you all for what you have said. I do agree I wouldnt want to bring someone in while stuff is up in the air with his feelings. Still hard for me to always be the one to give in to him because of them.