The Yo Yo effect
Ok this is driving me insane.. What I am calling..the yo-yo effect...
Background... about 2 years ago(well ok off and on in 12 years of marriage but more seriously in the past 2 years) hubby has talked about me getting a bf. or fuck buddy it seems to be of better terms for how it feels right now.. I finally changed my mono way of thinking(well not completely mono.. but since I was married I figured..mono...) He encouraged it.. texted about it. sent me links...pictures of threesomes...etc.. So I said ok.. Im fine with this but has to be someone I can care about.. Im not good on a no strings attached. If I remember correctly.. HE set up this acct(even though Im the only one that talks)
Now.. after 1 failed relationship due to the guy just being embarrassed after 6 months(not wanting the relationship known to anyone any of us know) I started dating again.. Trying to find one that well I could love honestly. I have met with a few but only 1 did I spend much time with. And it turns out we make good friends lol but thats it. Now the hubby is going back and forth with the its ok..its not ok.. its ok.. its not ok. Its every freaking week. This last time was this weekend. Friday he told me to go meet with this other guy. So I did. Guys really cool. Nice to hang out with. Could possibly be someone I could have more with. Although I am talking to 1 I havent met yet.. Its a toss up lol. So I met said guy, hung out for a few hours, came home(2am) went to bed. Got up sat(630am) fixed hubbys coffee like I do everyday he goes to work. He hugs me says love you bye and off he goes. during the next 2 hours.. texts nice messages. I call him and he proceeds to be a jerk. Then starts the How do I know you wont just walk out. And the whole bs about him no longer giving me what I need. THis continues for awhile and I finally just said Im done. Ready to walk out the door. This happens almost weekly. The go out hope hes nice guy.. to the getting pissed because he doesnt understand why Im doing this.. That hes not enough. I didnt talk to him hardly at all after this. And sunday night had another blow up where I told him this same stuff. Last night was the first time in awhile that we even had sex. Not saying I wanted to with him after all the crap for these past couple months.
Honestly.. Im ready to walk out on 12 years of marriage because of this crap. And Im at a loss at what to do. I feel like Im on a roller coaster with him. And Im worn out. Some of the insensitive crap he does dates back to day 1 of our marriage. I have been a SAHM more than I have worked in all these years. And well he takes a lot for granted. Unless reminded then its all good for awhile.I even told him to go find himself a gf lol. He says he doesnt want one.
Just tired and worn out and dunno which way is up.
She is C He is S