Our marriage became a V last October. I fell in love with our neighbor, and it was either stop loving him (I tried, in vain) or get a divorce. Luckily we did some creative thinking and found a third option -- poly.
So ours started with love and then opened to sex.
My husband has recently formed a relationship with a woman that started out as flirting and sexy texting, and is now getting physical. He says it will only be sexual play -- no intercourse -- and that he does not want to fall in love with her.
For me, the love came first, and if it hadn't, I wouldn't have had any interest in the physical relationship.
I have a hard time with my husband's new relationship -- is he using her? Does he not care about her feelings? What if she falls in love with him? Frankly, I think I love her more than he does, already (!) because although I have not met her, he has shown me her pictures and told me about her, and I feel like she is my friend, already! I care about her and I don't want her to be just some cheap thrill for him. BTW -- He is NOT the type of guy to "use" anyone -- he is a wonderful, devoted husband who has been 100% faithful to me for 12 years. I am confused to see him entertaining the idea of a loveless sexual relationship. And sad for him. Did I force him into this? I feel somewhat responsible.
But -- maybe it will grow into love for him. Then again -- maybe he really can't be poly. If he falls in love with her, maybe he will choose to leave me. I guess I'm a little scared. But if the end result is that he is in love with her and he is happy, how can I selfishly deny him that opportunity? I don't rule the world.
Isn't it funny how poly attitudes can be so different?!