OK. Here's the long story. My husband and I were pretty New Age and open-minded. My mother was a Christian, we sent our eldest daughter to a Christian school and I had tried to get into Christianity a number of times. About 8 or 9 years ago a chance meeting with a man caused my daughter to have a profound religious experience. The man's family were pretty 'hardcore' Christians and my daughter (A) ended up marrying his son at the ripe old age of 21.
It was a disaster and within a couple of years A was having an affair which ended the marriage. It would have been so easy for her to have come to the conclusion that Christianity was a load of rubbish and to have resumed life as a fun-loving 20-something free of any restrictions. Instead I watched her grapple through tremendous guilt and shame and work really hard to "get right with God". I couldn't understand it but she held this firm belief that she was "convicted" by God and her feelings would not allow her to live a life that wasn't aligned to that. It took her a while but she fell in love with another (less hard-core) Christian, who she married.
Now I am asking myself if perhaps what I am going through is something of a similar "conviction". What I am feeling is no longer coming from my head but from my heart.
As I said this has all come about as a result of AA. My daughter got me into AA after a friend of my mother's suddenly turned up on my doorstep in January with a conviction to pray with me. I went along with it to be polite to an elderly lady, but after probably drinking most days for the past 20 years, I haven't had a drink since. Very interesting times.