Again, I tried to post and lost it. Ahhh! Here's today's update.
I am traveling now and the separation brings strange emotions. We are communicating positively. She is telling me that she feels that we are starting to grow closer together. Thats a good thing. And she is still saying she wants me in her life forever.
I know that she will be using my time away to meet with T. I hope that as she does it helps her happiness grow. I prefer to come home to a happy wife who is ready to give me the love and support I need as I struggle through my emotions.
I am taking it day by day right now. My emotions are going a mile a minute, up and down. But my planning is focused only on today, maybe tomorrow. So for today, I think the best option is to try and make this work. I am not sure what solution will make me truly happy - thats something I need to figure out. But for the moment, the solution that allows me to come home to a happy wife and happy kids is the one I will choose.
I do still feel strong feelings of envy and jeolousy. But I think I woujld have to be a robot to not have those feelings after all this time. I am working though all of these feelings and doing all I can to not get too angry or too depressed. Love is supposed to be uplifting and happy. I desparately want to get there and I hope that with time, I will.