Originally Posted by nycindie
So, I am wondering if that's really fair to ask one leg of a vee to help placate the other -- or does the longevity of this vee make a difference here? JT2 hasn't indicated what kind of relationship or rapport he has with his metamour.
I wouldn't call it fair or un-fair any more than someone coming home and looking for advice from their spouse about a situation regarding a co-worker. "Help, I'm stuck!"
I'd recommend the book the "5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I was married 19 years before reading it and it made a world of difference. I would alway complain that my husband was never home. He took it as just complaining not realizing that I need "acts of service" and "quality time" to feel loved by him, which can't happen if he is not home (or home sitting in front of the computer). We both learned a great deal and have been able to make adjustments and also recognize when the other person is making an effort.
I'm sure others have more advice.