Thanks, it is a bit of a reality check.
Well, as for the dreamboat thing, I don't consider him in any way better then J, just really different and we connect in a very different way.
As for the day or three, I'm leaving the country for a month, which was probably part of the reason for the breakdown. I haven't been away from J for this long since the really early days of us dating, and I hated the idea of leaving it on bad terms. I guess I just wanted to get everything out in the open before I left, so everyone would have time to think, and then freaked out when things with J went kind of badly.
In a lot of ways I'm still scared about this whole thing myself, it kind of snuck up on me and part of me resents it a little because it majorly rocked the boat for me. I don't want to rush into anything with C or anyone else, I just also didn't want to spend the next month wondering and worrying and getting it out in the open did make me feel much better.
I just really don't want to do anything to hurt J, he's my number one priority and for the foreseeable future as long as he'll have me he will be. He also has a bit of a martyrdom complex. I just really want him to understand that I am willing to work towards something we can both deal with because he's worth more to me then any potential relationship.
It's funny, I think I could deal with him not being able to compromise and deal with me seeing someone else more then him not being willing to let me compromise for him.
I really want him to get the chance to talk about the whole poly/poly girlfriend thing with someone other then me, but the only people we really know with that kind of experience are C and his girlfriend and a random friend from college neither of us has really talked to in over a year.