I like to break my subs down until they are completely in my control. Then I build them back up with love, respect, absolute awe and complete devotion to their need to belong to me. Them licking my shoes is a sign of that belonging and devotion to me. The better a job they do, the more respect they get. There is nothing that angers me more than a half ass job because a sub doesn't get it or isn't into it. There is really no point and it makes me feel that they don't respect my dominance over them.
As to Mono... you do get hard baby. We have not got to a point where we have put that to use as there are many issues that are more important to get through first and they don't relate to your sexual desire. Perhaps that is a project to work on sometime
I think that there is room for both sexual play and not in a scene. I have a subbie that I talk to all the time on line that is knows that I am not available for sexual play and he respects that and gets that fulfilled elsewhere. I have not played with him due to other avenues to go on right now, but if we should ever meet up, I would have to end the scene if he is not able to redirect into something less sexual. I would have to communicate at length about what he hopes to get out of a scene with me and what I would get out of it also.