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Old 07-19-2011, 12:07 AM
confusedme confusedme is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 5
Default Jealousy is destroying my "secondary" relationships

First off pardon any grammatical errors. I need help. I have been in a relationship with my wife now for 9 years, married for 7. We have had an "open" relationship almost from the very beginning, but no emotions were ever involved. The open part of our relationship was always in bouts, never for a set period of time. In March of this year we decided to open things back up. I met someone and the spark was instant. I felt confused, lost, like I was betraying my wife for having these feelings. I noticed my feelings for wife were not fading. I started looking for answers, looking for what was wrong with me. I stumbled across the word polyamory, I had my answer. Everything started to make sense. As I read I could relate to everything, and realized I had been polyamorous my whole life, and I didn't even know it. I didn't know anything other than what I had been told.

On to the problem. I feel no jealousy. Before anyone starts doubting and saying "you have to feel some jealousy" I assure you I feel none. My wife, on the other hand is my polar opposite in the matter of jealousy. I will admit at time envy has crossed my mind, but even then very little. When I finally came out to my wife that I was poly, shit hit the fan. We worked through things. So I had my "other" we will call her C, and she eventually found hers shortly after. He is a great guy, we have a lot of mutual respect for one another. We will refer to him as J. So my wife arranges a weekend, J comes to my place, and I go to C's place. That arrangement went well. My wife would go to J's every weekend and spend the whole weekend there. I had no problems with this, but when it came time for me to go see C, I would get texts and phone calls to come home. I had a problem with this. Well C and I wanted different things from the relationship, so we parted ways. My wife continued to see J almost every weekend. I gave her the time to build her relationship with J.

Eventually I moved on. I found someone else I made a connection with, someone I had known for 5 plus years. We will call her A. I'm going to try and make this short and to the point. I was catching jealousy from both sides. A was jealous when I was with my wife, and my wife was jealous when I was with A. A ended up leaving. She eventually sent me an angry message saying my wife would never give us enough time. That my wife had my balls in a vice. I speak to my wife about jealousy. I ask her to control her jealousy. I told her that when her jealousy starts causing problems with my other relationships I have a problem with that. I'm not telling her not to feel jealousy, but asking her to control from having an outburst. When she feels jealousy to come and talk to me about it, so we can work it out verbally. Am I being unreasonable in my request, or am I being insensitive to her emotions. please help. Any resources that might be helpful would also be appreciated.
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