Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair
I am wondering what the source of your boyfriend's wife's very obvious jealousy might be.
Is it possible that your boyfriend and his wife are not having a lot of sex themselves? Or that she has a high libido and he isn't keeping up with her? Could she be jealous simply because you are getting something that she isn't getting much of, or enough of?
I've struggled with jealousy myself in my primary relationship and I have discovered that I'm fine with sharing something I already HAVE, where my needs for that particular thing are being met. However, if the other person is getting something I'm not getting, or not getting enough of, jealousy ensues. I am still working on this after five years of being actively polyamorous.
I am also wondering what the circumstances are that enable you to see your boyfriend almost every day. Do you work together? If not, how do you manage to have so much couples time together when you both have young children? I am raising kids too and I have almost never managed to see a secondary partner more than once or twice a week, unless we were away the rare weekend together or met at social events. And both my former secondaries were local too, no more than 15 minutes from my house.
Is it possible that the wife isn't getting much "just me time" of her own, or much quality time away from the kids with her husband, and the sexual restriction she is placing on you two is a response to that? Again, this would be a case of you getting a lot of something she is not getting, or not getting much of.
Vis a vis the texting thing, would she text in an emergency or would she call? If she would call, then all he has to do is turn off the texting alert when he is with you and set his phone aside. He does not need to read them at all when he's with you. If he's reading them and responding to her, he's enabling her in her rude behavior.
I will answer in parts.
1. Her sex drive currently is very low for some medical reasons. This should resolve soon (within a month or so I guess).
2. We see each other daily because they literally live less than five minutes from our house. We are almost a blended family without being one. It's very warped and we have not all sat down and discussed this fact other than when one of us will jokingly say occaisionally "wow we are really weird you guys.". This statement is usually followed by something out of the ordinary that would only happen in a poly family setting. They watch our kids, we watch their kids when needed. I am a stay at home mom and for the time being they are both off work but again will be back in a few weeks (situation has too many personal details or I would say exactly what it is).
3. Wife does get "just us" time with him and if whenever she asks for more she gets it. They have date night at least once a week and they do have a sitter readily available for free.
As for him enabling the behavior I agree and I honestly think he just feels torn and isnt sure what to do. There are times I think she has issues with he and I and then she makes decisions like moving less than five minutes from us when in reality she could have moved 45 minutes away. ? So confusing.