Originally Posted by redpepper
I can hear the resentment in your posts. Might is suggest that you view this differently and encourage the others to do the same? Boundaries are a good thing, but not about ownership over others and not if they aren't fluid. Your "rules" are fluid but one sided. You all have the right to have boundaries, so express them and be grateful that others listen and do their best to oblige. Eventually the need for such strict "rules" will subside and turn into communicating immediately what needs there are before assumptions and expectations seep in. It takes patience and a lot of time. Let this resentment you have go. I don't think it serves anyone to project that out into the world. You are fucking her husband. She didn't siign up for an emotional attachment when you started this. Be empathetic. How would you feel?
This is all very new. Have patience! Go at the pace of the one that is struggling the most (ie. her). Breath and remind your self that there is lots of time and there will be lots of struggles. This cell phone thing is pretty minor compared to most issues that land on the doorstep here. Read around and see. I think you should be grateful that things are moving forward at all.
I agree with EVERYTHING you said. EVERYTHING. You are 100% in the right. I think all those things myself. How would I feel in her place? Those are the times I remind myself that I HAVE to be more empathetic. Sometimes it's hard and I do find myself saying "she could have stopped this long ago" but she allowed it to continue. That gets us no where though so I do have to stop thinking that way. This is a huge adjustment for all of us.
Just for the record though...this cell phone thing....is NOT the biggest of our problems. It was my first post so I wanted to keep it as mild as I could to start. This IS a small thing in comparison and I totally agree with that. I am trying to let go of resentments and be more open.