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Old 07-18-2011, 07:50 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Another side to the coin, just to play devil's advocate:

I think pretty much everyone has those feelings and fantasies from time to time, of needing to get a break from everyday responsibilities. Most of us know we can't get away with that.

So... how much of her behavior was enabled by the OP? How much of not wanting to rock the boat or avoiding the reality of the situation was being done by the spouse who is now complaining about it? They started out both taking part in threesomes with her current boyfriend. Did RC (the OP) conveniently overlook the ramifications, and keep his blinders on to avoid really seeing indications that something was wrong or bothering her, so he could get his jollies by watching another guy bang his wife?

He seems to have indicated that she's had emotional/relationship issues in the past, so where was he in "cleaning house" and making sure that she -- and their relationship -- was strong enough to handle this? Before letting a new person into the equation? It's easy to throw up one's hands and place blame when one's comfort zones are maxed out, but what was the part he played in getting there? Things didn't get this rocky all by itself, and she didn't start accumulating such dissatisfaction in a vacuum. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, y'know.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-18-2011 at 08:05 PM.
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