So I survived the weekend, LOL.
Actually it was a very nice weekend. Had a GREAT time out with the girls for Pride. We started at one bar, and then edged our way to another down the street and danced for hours. Then it got super duper crowded so we old broads jumped ship!
Walked back to the car... so about 2 miles walking and 3 hours dancing in the big girl shoes... ouch! Fun though...
Saturday I slept in and was lazy for a bit. Decided not to go to the parade, since my daughter was working anyway, lazed about, showered and did a cursory cleaning of the house cuz it was messy and driving me nuts! Felt much better, relaxed a bit, and then when my daughter got home we went to the festival. Ate some food, hung with my girls, sat in the grass and watched everyone, saw some drag queens/kings perform, and then watched Margaret Cho. Totally cool and fun, got home by 10, and was in my jammies by 10:03.
Sunday I got up fairly early.. went and did groceries and laundry and then relaxed all day until yoga at 6:30.
Hubs texted in the a.m. on Sunday (he'd had his phone turned off since Friday), so that was sweet. I texted with him this morning, apparently the two days at the beach helped him a lot, he's much more relaxed and sounds happy, so that's really great and nice! We're having a Skype date tonight, which will be nice, since we've not gotten to talk much in over a week.
I'm getting used to not hearing from him as much. I'm getting used to not thinking about what he's up to as much. I was right in that since I figure they're always together, it gets really old really fast to think about it at all. Still do sometimes, old habits, but it's definitely getting easier to distract and work on other things. Having a potential date (or two) in the future to think thoughts about helps immensely!
I feel like I'm coming out of the painful part of getting myself as an individual back, at least the majority of it. I feel separate from him, but in a good way. I feel like the un-meshing is definitely coming along. I still have moments of anxiety and emotions, but they pass quicker and aren't as deep and heavy. In a way, I was kind of grieving the loss of something... something that needed to go away, but something that FELT like safety to me (though it wasn't really).
Still, it's all been a good experience in the end. There is still much work to do on myself, AND on us as a couple. Step one after he gets into one on one counseling is we need to go to a couples counselor and get our communication in order. And we need to get some good US bonding time going on, which I think we'll do for sure. But I'm not letting that get away from us again like it did before.
And, if I end up dating, that will be a whole new situation as he's never had to deal with that at all. So... adventures to continue.
Oh, and I was looking back over my journal... and I think I was really just venting here all of the frustrations and things I didn't feel I could vent to hubs. Probably better it came out here, it needed to come out SOMEWHERE... but most of it was just heat of the moment, helplessness confusion.