I am wondering what the source of your boyfriend's wife's very obvious jealousy might be.
Is it possible that your boyfriend and his wife are not having a lot of sex themselves? Or that she has a high libido and he isn't keeping up with her? Could she be jealous simply because you are getting something that she isn't getting much of, or enough of?
I've struggled with jealousy myself in my primary relationship and I have discovered that I'm fine with sharing something I already HAVE, where my needs for that particular thing are being met. However, if the other person is getting something I'm not getting, or not getting enough of, jealousy ensues. I am still working on this after five years of being actively polyamorous.
I am also wondering what the circumstances are that enable you to see your boyfriend almost every day. Do you work together? If not, how do you manage to have so much couples time together when you both have young children? I am raising kids too and I have almost never managed to see a secondary partner more than once or twice a week, unless we were away the rare weekend together or met at social events. And both my former secondaries were local too, no more than 15 minutes from my house.
Is it possible that the wife isn't getting much "just me time" of her own, or much quality time away from the kids with her husband, and the sexual restriction she is placing on you two is a response to that? Again, this would be a case of you getting a lot of something she is not getting, or not getting much of.
Vis a vis the texting thing, would she text in an emergency or would she call? If she would call, then all he has to do is turn off the texting alert when he is with you and set his phone aside. He does not need to read them at all when he's with you. If he's reading them and responding to her, he's enabling her in her rude behavior.