The problem is that M - I suspect - is still a little hung up on me from our not-quite-a-relationship years ago. She still sees me with somewhat rose-tinted glasses, and when I talk to her about my problems, she dismisses them saying that I'm awesome and don't actually need any help. Like the night I mentioned with the hot tub - she didn't go looking for me because she figured I was up to equally awesome sexy adventures elsewhere, where in fact I was curled in the fetal position wishing that I had the courage to go out and have those adventures and silently cursing her for disappearing and not answering her phone.
I'm trying not to do that anymore - not to be that guy. That's one of the reasons I'm here... this is a lot more forward than I've ever actually been about my emotions or relationships or anything else than I've ever actually been, and it feels pretty good to get a lot of this stuff off my chest, even if it may not actually be helping anything.
I do like the idea of her giving me assignments. Possibly us, since I'm trying to find a con my wife can also attend. We function better as a team, if only out of practice, which I think may be another one of the reasons I have troubles on my own.
Straight poly guy in an open marriage to a very special bi poly lady. We miss our unicorn, and really need to make some better friends.