Originally Posted by nycindie
Do not think of your past relationships or attempts at relationships as failures. They were opportunities for learning and growth, both of which I am sure happened for you.
The problem is that I don't actually have those past relationships - I've always identified as poly (or at least having the capacity to be) but have been strictly mono (though not for trying). Aside from the brief period of time where we had a "unicorn" (as you folks have dubbed them) pass through our lives and bed, it's been really REALLY uneventful for me. None of the relationships I've been besides my wife have ever been intentional - I didn't go looking for a second girlfriend, or a unicorn, or anything else - they just kinda happened, and I was accepting (nay, grateful) but I've never before actually sought one out.
I think that's part of why I'm questioning my own motives now - it's fine to say you're stopping waiting for something to happen to you and deciding instead to proactively go looking for people, but I'm not entirely sure I trust why I want to do it. What Ariakas said sounds very familiar and right to me, so I don't feel nearly as bad about going actively "on the hunt". I just don't want to do anything that would hurt anybody - not intentionally, anyway, I understand that some hurt is always an option when dealing with love and romance and stuff.