You're in a Vee! Your wife is the hinge. Do a tag search on Vees to read more about that.
You should definitely read TruckerPete's and IndigoMontoya's blog threads: TruckerPete's blog thread
and IndigoMontoya's blog thread
I will leave more specific responses to the experienced folks here (I've never been in a Vee), but I will say that I wouldn't think it's really up to you to ask her boyfriend for a commitment. That's her relationship, let her manage it. That doesn't mean you can't meet him and invite him over for dinner at some point (again, read the threads I referenced above!!), but let her relationship with the boyfriend develop of its own accord. That's just not for you to meddle with.