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Old 07-17-2011, 08:51 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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You can play at the rule thing which nycindie recommended, and that's fine, or you can all decide to grow up and be adults about this thing, in which case you will have need of only one rule: Love one another. I mean, 'cmon!, texting about sheets while with your other, and him texting back about it...?! That's unloving behavior on both sides. So, in my mind, is the rule about seeing each other once a week during certain prescribed hours. But that's none of my business. You do it however you want, but I'll say that if you're all loving one another you'll find that there will be less and less need for setting up rules for one another.

And get some polyamory books and read and discuss them. I'd not try auto mechanics without a manual or some training, and you don't seem to me to be a born natural at groking poly. So I'll keep my hands out from under the hood, and you do some reading up. And all shall be fine in the world.

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It just occurred to me that my relationships don't involve rules like, "Don't bust the windows out in my house" and "don't deliberately scratch my favorite CDs with a fork" and "Don't throw cold water on me when I'm sleeping".... All of this stuff is implicit in loving relationships, and so is "Don't text me, or answer text messages, when I'm sharing precious intimate time with my partner." And I would say setting a rule like "don't see your other love but once a week for x number of hours" breaks the implicit premise of loving. A rule having to do with trusting your loved one to make sound decisions about spending time with their other partner. Yes, it is loving to ask for more time if such time is desired and the other partner is taking up a lot of one's time. That, too, is implicit in loving.
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Last edited by River; 07-17-2011 at 09:00 PM.
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