Originally Posted by idrider47
She gave me the typical "it's not you, it's me" response. It seems so lame, but I wonder if it's actually true.
Maybe it is her. Based on your story of a previous similar breakup though, I'd say it's both of you. You found a person and over time built a particular dynamic that leads to the same place where the previous relationship wound up. At least you can say you have a "type."
Despair.com sells demotivational posters. My favorite is one shows a chain about to snap:
The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationship is you.
I use that as a reminder not that I'm an idiot with all sorts of ruined relationships but that my actions can and do shape my relationships. In accepting that I can be the source of dysfunction, I find the insight to be a source of sanity instead.
Rider, what you and RBR wind up doing is something that each of you choose. You can't control everything, but you can shape a lot. I hope you can learn lessons and grow going forward. I wish you both all the best.