I'm the wife in a very similar situation. I'm married to Poppa, and we both have a relationship with Pinky.
I can totally relate to what the wife is feeling. I, too, thought I could handle this easily. The fact is, it's not easy. I've been with Poppa for 14 years - married for 4. It's difficult to see your Husband doing all those NRE things with someone new. Especially after the NRE has worn off after 14 years! For me, it opened a whole can of worms...you might read my thread: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8301
- I've posted since close to the beginnng. It might help you understand my/her perspective a little.
Best of luck! I hope you can all figure it out. I'll be sending positive energy your way