We had another long talk, but it seems to be one of those situations that is going to get be worse before it gets better. He'd really like a nice traditional marriage to a nice traditional wife with nice traditional values. (He is from India, after all.) He's feeling like he got short-changed, and like I'm being selfish and unnecessarily throwing a lot of drama into our relationship, when the rational thing to do is simply to ignore my feelings for other men, like any good wife. I wish I could be that good wife.
I hate this whole argument that normal people aren't like this, so why should I be? I pointed out that most people are straight but that's no reason gays should be, but he doesn't see this along those lines. We discussed that there's a difference between my nature (polyamorous) and my actions, which is the part he gets uncomfortable with. I don't think he really believes polyamory is a different way of being, so much as an excuse for acting on selfish impulses.
He's really concerned about our children. He doesn't want them to see "displays of affection" between me and other men but he hated that I asked him for specifics on that. He said once they are adults I can do whatever I want, but I think by that he means our marriage will have served its purpose and he won't have such a vested interest in its success.
In the end he says I don't need his permission for anything I do, and if I want to base my decisions on his feelings, I'll steer clear of other men. If I want to act based on what I want, I'm free to do that and he won't like it. (And if I went as far as sex, our marriage would end.) I don't see how we can get beyond this.
So now instead of just me hurting over this, we are both hurting over this. I guess it makes sense to step back and let it sink in a while.