I absolutely agree that the 5 year old little girl has to be the biggest priority. I guess I am wrestling with the idea that I havent had the experience of a 5 year old being my priority. I have not lived my life around children enough to feel like I wont say or do something that will mess the kid up for the rest of their life. It doesnt help that I am studying and have studied how even the smallest thing can be the biggest thing to a child, so I worry more about that then I think even her mom does sometimes. That isnt to say her mom is uncaring, or anything like that at all, but I worry about this on her developing little person. Honestly, having found this site/community has been the biggest souce of hope I have had for a Poly relationship working, and for this relationship working.
Beofre I found this site I thought "Ok, polygamy might work because those people follow a religion that tells them EXACTLY how this is supposed to go, but what about if you dont have "principles" to follow?"
I also struggle with the feelings and emotions of the women that we get into a relationship with. I have had the thought "what kind of woman would want ot be ij this relationship in the first place?" The fact that my husband and her were both perfectly ok with having sex with each other the first day they met, I am not of the same morals. I can't just "go find a unicorn to run and play with" like my husband often seems to be able to. This makes me wonder about the morals of the women who DO end up being in this realtionship. It is amazing how much time I have spent feeling and thinking the EXACT same things that I am reading here then feeling like real total crap for thinking or feeling that way.
I am sorry if my description made it seem like we are just going out "unicorn hunting" but that isnt the case at all. We both have the intention that it will all work out, that it will all be awesome and then reality sets in. I feel like I wish I had read so much of what I am reading here tonight before tonight because it would have made things much easier. I blew up tonight over the two fo them being late from work and not calling to tell me they were going to be late. To me it shows a lack of caring that I am waiting wondering where they are, and honestly makes me think that they dont have the same urgency to see me at the end of the day that I have after not seeing them all day. The fact that when I went out and saw them pull up everyone was all smiles and happy and like they didnt have a care in the world, to me it showed that they hadnt even had a second thought to how worried or how anxious I had gotten by that time. I blew up because I felt that it was a case of "Well as long as he has her with him, why does he care what I am doing, he isnt the one sitting here alone AGAIN. This could have been solved by either one of them calling or texting and saying "Hey, we are running late, I know your waiting for us, and we are trying our best but it is just taking forever!!" I would have been perfectly fine with that. Itis little things like this that send me over the edge, especially when I have been trying all day to get school work done to not be able to because of other household stuff.