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Old 10-18-2009, 04:52 AM
heartbt heartbt is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Western Michigan
Posts: 6
Default Just takes time

Polyphemus, I am really convinced that jealousy was not the issue. I have felt jealousy, and this was something different. This was more of a breach of trust issue in my head.

I had, willingly put aside my principals (not given them up) for her and found happiness in doing so. Seems an odd thing to be happy about, ignoring your principals, but... Honestly, I still am happy to not only love only her, but be monogamous with only her, AND YET still believe in Poly!(haven't got that sorted yet). To have her be the one to seek this out after finding that happiness feels like she's "broken the deal". I'm now over that, with much talking and introspection.

Also of issue was the speed that this was occurring. She had felt this way for some time, but only really brought this up when her feelings were already building (communication issue). I felt like I had to either break her heart and ask her to back off, or get pushed through some deep emotional issues at a pace I was unprepared to handle. I also had not even met him, which, I discovered about myself long ago, has always caused some issues with worry and protectiveness. I did not even recognize this fact until I stewed on the situation further. There was just too much, too fast, and this board helped by letting me air some of it. Note to self: If your love is truly eternal, then time is always available. Don't be afraid to slow down.

Now we have reached a comfortable spot where, within rules, she can progress in her relationship (slower), and I can get the time I need to "readjust". I have also met him, and found him to be really a great guy, which has helped tremendously more here than ever in the past. It's refreshing when you can share the excitement (or the other side of NRE; technical term escapes me) with your partner.

There's still some hurdles in my head, but mostly now due to changes in our family. Or, the fact that now we HAVE a family. And she's got some things to tackle too, but nothing too difficult. The new beau also has some issues, but mostly it's all normal poly stuff; trust building, communication, and acceptance.

Thanks for the feedback.

Last edited by heartbt; 10-18-2009 at 04:59 AM.
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