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Old 07-16-2011, 02:36 AM
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openbj openbj is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: OK, USA (but our hearts remain in TX)
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Okay, now I have a bit more time and energy lol.

The 3 angels daddy is in and out. He wants the visitations with the kiddos, but he doesn't want to pay child support or be responsible in any other way. She has already told him that she's looking at moving with the kids to her mom's house, which is about 5-6 hours away from him and he was okay with that. If things were to work out with her and she moved with us, he would not be told why or whom she is moving to be closer to. Their divorce was caused by the straw that broke the camels back, my husband and her's affair. They were headed there already and talking to attorneys and what not, but he really wrote her off after finding out about the affair. He made things very dirty for her and still is at times. She has zero support from him so far and it's been 10 months. Even when she lets him have visitation, the angels are left with his parents and he spends very little time with them. It's really sad.

Sagency, I have read through that thread already. I've been through most of the posts in that forum since joining. Everyone seems to be trying to point people with questions to the Unitarian church, which I'm really just not interested in. We are full pentecostal christians. I really hope no one takes offense to this, but my husband was actually a pastor for about 8 years of our marriage. This has been one particular area that we have really struggled with (monogamy/polyamory/open marriage) and have really taken time to study and research in the Scriptures. The orders for monogamy, just aren't there. The condemnation of more than one "wife", just isn't there. Some things are just left open in Scripture so that we may figure out our own salvation with fear and trembling. I kinda wish this one was in there though, it would save a lot of debate lol.

Nycindie, I have a feeling that her feelings of guilt have a lot to do with it right now. I know she has really beat herself up over it. That's why I really wish I was where I am now, then. It would have saved so much heartache!

Mono, my hubby is struggling with poly vs. affair as well. It just finds it really difficult to explain to a girl that he likes, that we are open. We've been just open since January, so this is not a new conversation for us. Only now are we looking at poly because he is just too relational for random sex of an open marriage. He likes to have me and a girlfriend. Which is fine. That's why we're moving forward, but he is afraid that explaining poly will be even more difficult than explaining open and the girls will be disinterested. He doesn't really deal well with rejection sometimes, especially if really likes someone.

GS, that's sort of the route I took. I apologized for ruining their happiness and explained that I now understand that hubby can love myself and another and be happy as can be. I also told her that when he did have both her and I, he was happier than I had seen him in a long time, until I found out . I didn't outright ask her to join us, but presented it more as a conversation about something that hubby and I are chewing on. She is not happy. She text him today and told him, "We've been friends for quite a while now, I really enjoy our friendship and care about you, but I cannot stand by and support your decisions lately, especially when you know they are wrong." Except, we know that they're not wrong. I don't know.

I think I covered everything. If not, just ask. There's actually another girl that would love to be hubby's girlfriend. But, she wants it to just be her and hubby as far as we understand right now. He hasn't talked to her about poly yet, because we just decided to move that direction. He would really rather have A though, he does truly love her. Only time will tell I guess.
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Married 12 1/2 years. Female. Straight. New to poly.
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