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Old 07-15-2011, 11:55 PM
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River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
And as far as still discovering things about each other after so many years together -- halleluiah! Relationships where this doesn't happen are stagnant, boring, and predictable. It's always a good thing when we can look at someone we've loved and known a long time and see them anew, because that means we are present, living in the here and now, and seeing past old beliefs.
This is a crucially valuable point, and well stated. And I would add to it by saying ...

Lots of relationships grow "stagnant, boring and predictable" because there is avoidance of something that needs to be faced, and the partners have an unconscious or semi-conscious agreement / contract which reads "Whatever happens, don't rock this boat". Avoidance is a void dance, a dancing around a void, a chasm, an open space.... I say, jump into the open spaces when and where you can, and do so with loving-kindness toward self and other.

It is a good practice to deliberately, but gently practice rocking the boat and ending the void dance ... by looking into the open space, holding whatever fear or desire or pain deliberately in this open space of loving-kindness toward self and other. This livens things up, especially when both partners practice at it together! If one is a couch potato..., good luck! But even couch potatoes will notice liveliness when it is in the room, so anything may be possible.

One should simply never assume that they fully know their partner. That's really kind of a crappy thing to do to them. And one's self. We should properly see our partners as overwhelmingly unknown to ourselves. They are! Even we ourselves are overwhelmingly unknown to ourselves, and we have to live with ourselves on the "inside" every day, for years and years and years. Give up the delusional fantasy that you know yourself or your partner. You do not. That's what makes life interesting -- we don't know it. We don't know the world. We don't know ourselves, each other.... That's why it's so damn fascinating and lively! And that's also why it can be so damn scary.

Take your maps and ... see them as they are, maps -- not territory. I was about to say ... burn them. But maps are useful if we don't fall for the black magic of thinking they are the territory.

Face your fears. If you want a lively life, find your fears and one by one, starting with the easier ones, face them with loving-kindness toward yourself. That will wake your whole heart and mind up.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
She needs to blink a few times and pinch herself to shake away some of that fog of NRE she's in.
Why not use that wind as a sail, that fire to cook with, that water to calm things in, etc.... NRE is fabulous energy to watch mindfully and with loving-kindness toward self and other. What an opportunity for practice!
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