Hello nycindie and GS
Thanks for the posts. You guys are alway so helpful.
nycindie - I think I am in agreement that we need to slow down a bit more and get rid of the exception clause for now. I think we just need time, and I hope RBR will agree. What started as a small conversation this morning has blossomed into a full blown problem for me and RBR. I asked her about renegotiating the agreement and she was initially resistant. I will have to talk with her more to see what we need to do.
GS - you ask some really good questions and give me really good perspectives. I actually asked myself the same question, whether I would be interested in this event if the bf were not in the picture. I can honestly say 100% that I would have wanted to go had I known it was going on. I've been a bit vague about the event, it's a cycle race that happens in downtown Boise each year. When RBR and I were in a car club here in Boise, one year we did a parade lap of the race course with about 150 cars while on our way to a club party that evening. When we did that, I wanted to pull out of the parade line and stop to watch the race then! I'm just not connected to the race directly or indirectly and didn't know it was occurring this weekend. I'm all about just about anything racing, RBR would confirm this.
I agree with you it would be good if we all could attend, but I think that too is trying to do too much too fast. I can't imagine RBR feeling good about that at this time. She wants her life with RBR to be very much separate from me. She's ok with me meeting RBR, and I think she is up for some intertwining in the future, but I can't see that as a "now" thing.
And I'm going to just take your thoughts about this not being weakness in our marriage in and try to hold onto it. I agree with what you said, even though it feels like weakness.
And I completely agree, I don't want the hinge (RBR) to constantly have pressure like this, trying to decide who to do what with. This is what I don't understand. How do poly people do this successfully???
married, heterosexual male currently in an a newly opened relationship; married to RunBabyRun