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Old 07-15-2011, 04:32 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,332

The way I see it, she needs to honor your agreements first and foremost and allow you to transition at the pace you need. Just because there's a loophole doesn't mean it's very nice to take advantage of it.

She should give it time, and her BF should be made aware, if he isn't already, that weekends are your time. If he is aware, why did he ask for that, then?

I say: Get rid of that loophole. You can allow for flexibility later down the road. For now, let the weekends be your time to spend with her. Give it a few months before allowing for exceptions. You're on shaky legs, and poly needs a strong foundation to work.

And as far as still discovering things about each other after so many years together -- halleluiah! Relationships where this doesn't happen are stagnant, boring, and predictable. It's always a good thing when we can look at someone we've loved and known a long time and see them anew, because that means we are present, living in the here and now, and seeing past old beliefs.

As for this weekend, I would tell her that the weekend is your time, that you want to take her to this thing, or do something else, and that's it. She needs to blink a few times and pinch herself to shake away some of that fog of NRE she's in.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 07-15-2011 at 05:14 PM.
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