Originally Posted by nycindie
Hi there. Thought I'd point out that nowhere in your post do you say that getting together with this guy is something you're really excited about. So, my question is: do you want to? Like really
See, being "not totally against" it and then listing all the reasons why you are hesitant, just doesn't seem like a whole lot of enthusiasm to me.
Furthermore, you also state that since you opened your marriage quite a number of years ago, you "never had any sexual or emotional relationships," so I wonder if your first should be with someone you're not all that thrilled about hooking up with. Sure, he might be a good, close friend, and hubby likes the idea probably for voyeuristic reasons, but do you really think it would be worth it for someone with whom having sex is something you're "not totally against?" Even if it would simply be recreational sex and okay with you, why not wait until there's an opportunity to be with someone with whom the prospect of such a liaison really knocks your socks off? Why settle for lukewarm when you can have hot?
I have tried to not think about it really. From my point of view-he was just flirting around never serious. Also with his other relationships they would have NEVER been ok with this. Why get all worked up, not to mention making the relationship uncomfortable over something that was never going to happen. I still don't want to get too worked up over something that might not happen. If I did not want to, I would not be in this situation now. I would have just said no. The only reason I am hesitant now is because I don't know how his wife feels. It could possibly get hot and knock my socks off if I let it. I wont let it until I know it is OK. Yes I really do have that much control. Not to mention I don't want to destroy his marriage. He is a good guy with bad luck-some of which he brings on himself. I don't want to be the cause of anything going wrong-giving them an excuse-to destroy his relationship with his wife.
When I found out he was serious I did go on a 'why did he not start this before he got married again' rant. It would have been simpler.
The reason for not having any type of relationships until now. I am a stay at home mom to 3 kids. (10, 6, 4) and have been for some time. Hubby works evenings-no one to watch the kiddos. So unless I just so happened to run into someone at the grocery store, it was not going to happen.
Hubby does not have voyeuristic ideas unless I decide to be with another female. I am the one with voyeuristic problems-though they don't have to even be sexual-just him giving someone a kiss, or rubbing a leg or back gets me all hot and bothered!