My first instinct is to talk to her directly. I am a fairly honest-open person. I like hearing from someone directly.
Hubby and I had thought about several ways to go about it. Me take her out and talk to her. Me and Hubby talk to her. Hubby talk to her. We all 4 talk together.
Me and hubby talking to her feels like us ganging up on her-
Me talking to her or hubby talking to her- I think she would be more comfortable talking with hubby. She knows him better than me. Hubby has had to go over to their house after work and help fix the computer-and hang out. I have been at home with the kiddos. They used to live further away and have moved closer. I have only met her about 5 times. We had talked and got along OK the first couple of times. The last time we went over there was after they had decided to have an open marriage. She did not talk to me at all! She was too busy fighting with best friend-and went to her room.
I am for the most part a total stranger to her-My Hubby is not. I just felt she would be more comfortable talking to him than me. I still want to talk to her though-so if hubby were to talk to her and say 'OK-green light' I would still talk to her.
Part of the problem could be they are living with another older couple who are not ok with non-monogamy of any sort. She could just be uncomfortable around them. I have told best-friend that they should both come over sometime. I figured we could all talk then. In fact thinking it over I think that would be best. My hubby could still be there as a lie-detector type, and he would also not let best friend influence her if it was feeling like she was not on board. It might even be good for both best friend and his wife-I don't think even they have talked about it much.
I don't know how long it will be until they can come over though. He just started a new job, they have just moved (most of the stuff is still in boxes), 2 kids, and a car that is broke down at the moment.
This is just a crazy situation, maybe I should start a blog for all of the background!