Thanks to all who responded. You are all very knowledgeable and reasonable. The issue is that I am not reasonable right now. My self-esteem is in the toilet. My feelings are crushed. I cant think straight. And you what, I am fucking angry. Very fucking angry. So with anger comes ulitmatums and demands. Maybe I just know deep down inside its not going to work so I am just cashing out now before I get hurt more. So I really don't care about pushing her away or ultimatums. I am guessing thats it
Right now all i care about is my kids. Period. I don't have any more energy to put into this.
Again, call me a victim. Call me an asshole. Call me a sexist. Call me whatever the fuck you want. It doesnt change the fact that she is fucking someone else right now as I sit here typing this.
I will take your timing suggestions under advisement. I can tell her I want to separate tomorrow or the next day just as easy as today. That is true. In fact, I am going back to work monday. And I will not have to see her for 3 days straight. maybe thats what I need. 3 days to get the fuck away from her and all of this shit.