It sounds like you two need to change it up big time. Maybe you need a different job and she needs to get herself one so she's not in the house all day. You both made choices together. They are no longer working and she, in her unhappiness has broken loose. Were there signs before now?
It sounds like you are done. Leaving it to her to divorce you seems a bit cowardly to me. If you're done then leave. Get yourself a place and go. Sounds like she has raised your kids, so they will be fine. Find a place they can visit when you are home and figure out your seperation agreement.
The other choice is to fight for what you have built and get about making the huge changes you need to make. Starting with your job for satarters, maybe move into a smaller place. I dunno, you would though. You don't need her to start, but I would tell her what you are planning. If she agrees she will say so if not then you know you are done.
If you ask me she went to see her boyfriend because she needed a day off, not a day with the kids and you. If she stays at home all the time, why would she want to do that with you when she can go and have a life out side of the home? That's not very interesting to her I bet. Same old same old. Blah Boring.
Look, the hard done by bit IS going to get you divorced. Its not very inspiring or confidence building to her I imagine. You two sound like you have become far to reliant on each other and need more independence. Our culture says that we should set things up as you two have done. I think that was what was meant by sexist. It DOESN'T work for most people. Why? Because its a trap that leads to those in it loosing their minds and wanting to break out. This is what I have noticed anyway.
I bet if you created independence within your marriage she would have little reason to go out and find someone interesting and independent to be with. He is simply an image of what she herself would like to have I bet, who she would like you to be also; self realized, self suficient, doing interesting personal things and goals. So give it that to her and give it to yourself. It doesn't mean breaking up, just changing up the game.
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Last edited by redpepper; 07-14-2011 at 07:05 PM.