Originally Posted by polyexplorer
Even though my wife definitely leans more towards the mono side, if she is going to accept me being and practicing poly, she feels she needs to be in on the action at least to some degree too...
This is a very interesting and no doubt discussion inspiring comment.
I understand this to some degree. The poly person wants to have relationships on thier terms (let's say involving love, sex, metamours meeting, and lots of communication) and the internaly mono person, who only heart loves one but can have sex with others, wants to have relationships on thier terms.
So now we again have two different sets of values coming into play. What if the mono person says, "Hey, I just want to have casual sex if it comes my way but don't want all the emotional and metamourish trappings that poly has". In other words..I want my side to be simply "sexually open" and you can have your side to be more "loving relationship poly".
So now we have a compromise. Maybe the other compromise is having a closed or limited poly aproach where only a specific gender can be brought in or a defintive number of other relationships are ok. This is not the free flowing poly that the word "polyamory" implies but it is a compromise between all or nothing.
If someone says, "hey I want to have my end of the relationship on my terms then should we not expect and afford the other person the same rights? Especially if the new terms go completely against the original terms of the relationship?
Sounds fair to me.