Thanks Neon. I would love for her to post her side of the story here, but she is very private and would probably be completely pissed at me if she saw what I was posting. To your point, she is not a bad person. I would not be married for so long to a bad person. I think she is lost and struggling with her mid-life identify crisis. And I understand that and appreciate it. I really do. I just wish she had the ability to better deal with crisis. Maybe it is because after all these years I am the only one she had to dump on when things get rough. And I am an exceptionally easy target since I am not home enough and they are in fact my children that are driving her nuts.
I am just in so much emotional pain. More than ever in my life. And I am a very fair and honest person and this just doesn't seem fair. I know liife isnt always fair - but that doesnt make it any easier to accept that I am not good enough for her and that she needs time to 'figure out her happiness'. I don't get that opportunity! I have to go to work, make the money, and support the family. Period. I don't have the luxury of asking the world to stop while i figure out my happiness. But you know what? As this thing eventually comes to an end, whatever end that may be, I will be changing my perspective on my happiness and will be more selfish about what I want in the future.
Regarding the 'allow' word,.I agree I am allowing her to do this. Some may say that is too possessive a word. But she made a committment to me and it didn't include loving someone else. And when I started to make a connection with someone else she 'disallowed' it. So, yes, I am allowing this for the time being until the dust settles and we make our final decision.
I am convinced the decision will be to divorce. She is far to unhappy with the life I have given her. I am hopeful she comes to that conclusion sooner than later so that we can get though the pain as quickly as possible and I can start the rest of my life.
Thanks for you posting. Very much appreciated.