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Old 07-13-2011, 05:02 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RenegadeOfFunk View Post
So my husband is not the jealous type at all. He is very happy that I am happy. A concern recently came up... he is out of town right now and knows that I am spending the weekend with my boyfriend. He started to realize that he is jealous of me sleeping in the bed with my boyfriend at night because that was previously something only my husband and I shared. I am trying to find ways of helping him deal with this, but I am at a loss for words. I told him that I love him and that he is amazing and it doesn't mean I am going to love my boyfriend more or my husband less. Anyone have and advice to help me with this situation??? It would be much appreciated.
I realize this is an old message, but I had some thoughts on it anyway, LOL...

I think sometimes we aren't jealous in theory, or at all, until something comes up and we realize it bothers us. There are a lot of ways to deal with it, but seeing as it just came up right now and you two are long distance, perhaps you can find ways to get around it for now, and then talk about it when you two are together and figure out where the jealousy is coming from, and if or how you can both deal with it. Some people have certain things that they retain as just "theirs"... whether that be their family bed, or pet names or whatever. Some don't. That's something you'd need to decide with your husband. Maybe, for now, sleeping together in the family bed is something you don't do. Maybe you never do, or maybe after a while your husband will realize it doesn't bother him.

I think while we all know intellectually some things "shouldn't" bother us, sometimes they do and I don't see anything wrong with taking something off the table for a bit so that someone can work through whatever it is and adjust. You have been reassuring him, and that's fabulous. But maybe taking this one issue off the table briefly will be more reassuring to him. Assuring him that you take his feelings into consideration and won't just do what you want regardless of how he feels. From experience, doing this one thing can go MILES towards making someone feel reassured that their feelings are important and makes it easier to work through them and let them go. I know that for myself, if I feel like no matter what I feel my hubs will do whatever he wants, I feel less valued, less cared for, and in the end it makes it harder for me to feel secure in our relationship enough to work through tough feelings.

Of course, this only works when the partner is being honest, open and really trying to work through things and not using their feelings as a weapon to get you to feel bad (which I'm assuming isnt' the case here).
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