The visit is over. Such a bittersweet aftertaste and yet, I feel so relieved and astonished and blessed and smitten and ... [please insert any thinkable word of confusion and happiness here]. No self destruction, no blame, uneasiness, fear or resentment. It went beautifully, if the word is even able to describe what I want to say.
I was really worried that Sward had just overestimated his possibilities and wouldn't be able to gauge what the situation has in stall for him. Or that I wouldn't be able to relax around Lin the way I would like to. Or that there would arose a problem with Lin I didn't think about beforehand. But again, my two men are just astonishing and great and what not *sighs*.
Sward had a present planned for Lin and me, that he sent to Lin with a big note on the top Do not open until Phy is there. When I arrived in the afternoon we unpacked his present and I felt just like I did when both of them had talked about our possible future three days after Sward was informed about our situation. My head went red and I couldn't suppress a happy smile. He sent us some kind of a survival kit, containing candles, Champagne, two glasses and a Moulin Rouge DVD with his best wishes for the weekend.
After this really great start we skyped and laughed about the reactions of Lin's mother and family together. They are not in the picture yet, but after this weekend, my second visit in such a short time and Lin and my constant absence due to our permanent abidance in Lin's room, the topic will be an urgent one, today or tomorrow. His mother was curious when the packet arrived a day earlier and was worried that Sward may be mad at Lin and me when she finally got to know what has been inside. Lin told her it was just a joke. He didn't wanted the issue to be discussed when I was still there. I respected his wish even though I would have loved to be by his side when he told his family about us. But well, we will see how they will react.
I nevertheless stayed quite tense till Sunday. As I mentioned, I am a slow person when it comes to relationships, emotions and all the like. This whole planned 'yeay, let's have sex this weekend and see how we all react to this' business was getting on my nerves. But I got used to the situation at last and I started relaxing around Lin more and more. As it has been with the first weekend, it became kind of natural being with him despite the tense situation. Hm, well, tense due to my worrying mostly, but, well, ... inner workings and the like
I will skip the details, everything that is worth saying about the days I spent there is that it was wonderful. Lin and I 'cleared' the physical hurdle, Sward and I stayed connected through the whole process and Sward, Lin and I spent time talking to each other everyday. On top of this, Lin prepared a set of music and movies/series for Sward that he liked and which I took with me for him. One time Sward asked which day he should note in the calender for Lin and me to celebrate our relationship. No decision on this issue up to now, but: Harmony all over the place
Sward didn't need the help of our friend and just went to talk to his old friend on Sunday. He was missing me, but that was more due to the fact that I simply was not there, than him worrying about what Lin and I might be doing in the meantime. We are hardly ever separated more than some days and not very often on top of it. Therefore this was the normal 'I am alone and would like to hug you' thing. With a grain of salt obviously, but not more than a a grain
I was really pleased with the situation and the developments. For the sake of reconnecting, talking and catching-up on the meager intimacy over the last days, he took a holiday on Wednesday (today) and cooked dinner on Tuesday, cleaned the house and took care of the presents we needed to give my father and his mother whose birthday were on Tuesday as well.
*sigh* Can one be this happy? I am still kind of afraid of some hidden dark shadow, lurking around to raise it's ugly head, but it seems everything went just fine. And therefore I will take things as they are, start accepting the smile that doesn't seem to leave my face and see what the coming weeks will have up their sleeve for me/us.