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Old 07-13-2011, 06:08 AM
dani11 dani11 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 5
Question How to ask his wife?

It has been several years since I have visited these forums, I always lurked, never joined. I read some good things, and have once again! Now I need some advice, and I hope the good people here can help.

Hubby and I have an open marriage, and have for some time (it is easier than explaining poly which we actually are) We have been married for 11 years together for 12. Opened the marriage 8-9 years ago. We have guidelines and all of that. His friends have known for the same amount of time. Though he has had a couple of short term girl-friends (it did not work out when they met me?) I have never had any sexual or emotional relationships.

Recently I found out his best friend wants to have a sexual relationship with me. This threw me for a loop because I have known hubby's friend for the same amount of time as hubby, we have always flirted and joked around with each other, but silly me I did not know he was serious! A couple of months ago he said he and his wife had decided to have an open marriage. Then he started hitting on me hot and heavy, that was when hubby informed me that his best friend was serious and had been attracted to me for almost as long as he had known me!

I am not totally against the idea, but some things worry me. This is his 3rd marriage, he has never cheated on any of them, and the other 2 did not go for his open marriage idea. He has only been married to this last one for about 2 years. I do not know her very well. I have only actually met her a hand full of times (the last 1 1/2 years have mostly kept in touch through facebook) The last 2 times I have met her, (once before I found out he wanted to have sex with me-and once after) she has said very little to me, picked a fight with best friend (her hubby) and took off to her room. (That is problem #1, I don't think she is totally on board with his idea, or maybe just for her as he keeps mentioning the guy she wants to see)

#2 He uses several words interchangeably-open marriage, swinging, swapping partners, girl friends, boy friends, dating. I am not totally sure how they want to go? Or what they have in mind?

#3 I don't want this to in anyway cause problems between hubby and best friend, or me and best friend. I don't really know his wife that well, so I cant say it would destroy our friendship, I don't want it to cause problems between best friend and his wife. (hubby is all for the idea, said he had been hinting around about it for years too-so it would not really cause problems with them unless things went horribly wrong!)

#4 Hubby says the best course of action is to get the wife alone and talk to her. I tend to agree with this, but am really not sure how to go about bringing it up? I also tend to believe what people tell me, so if she says 'fine' and I take it as 'fine'-then she really might not mean that! I would not know where to start or how much I could take at face value?

#5 Hubby and I have ground rules. I think it works better if you tend to have some. (Open, honest communication. Both having to agree. Etc) Could I ask about their rules? What if they don't have any?

Sorry this is so long, but I have been thinking about this for weeks now, and have no idea how to proceed. Any advice will be welcome!
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