We found out that dates for me and my BF, while my husband was sitting home, were NOT going to work for us. Sundance totally freaked when we tried that. It wasn't worth it to put him through the angst. We have worked things out so I see Butch Cassidy during the day, while Sundance is at work (luckily, Butch and I have flexible weekday schedules). Weekends the only time I see Butch is if the three of us go out together.
There are lots of different arrangements and agreements. I hope you and RBR find one that works best for you. It sounds like she is trying to be considerate of your feelings; I hope so. I hurt Sundance a lot in those early days, through all the trial and error, but fortunately our love endured. It sounds like you both have big hearts and you will make it through, too.
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy