Hi RC! Welcome
My husband, Sundance has shared some of your concerns. It has gotten easier over time, as the NRE settled into something that is now in perspective for me. I have been able to explore my feelings for my BF, and over time it has changed quite a bit. The love I have for him is more comfortable now, with the element of "forbidden fruit" taken out. One thing for me has been the realization that what I really needed was to get to know my BF better, because there were things I needed to learn from him. He has helped me fill in some of the void I had from having an absent father. I have always craved male intimacy (especially emotional) but I couldn't rely on my husband for that solely -- or it would become more of a father-daughter relationship. Having two men to play out some of my issues has taken the pressure off of both relationships and I feel like I am really, finally growing up -- at age 43, it's about time, right?!
Starting this whole thing last October, I had no idea where it would lead but I trusted that with the honesty it required, whatever came of it would be something good.
Love has lots of dimensions. I've found that exploring them isn't as dangerous as I used to think.
I hope you find poly to be as rewarding as I have -- even with its challenges, it's better than giving up on love. Glad you're here.