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Old 07-12-2011, 02:01 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,448

Originally Posted by RobertCourage View Post

...Deepening relationship with the guy. I am ok with this idea, but my wife would like to be the one that orchestrates this.
Do you mean she wants to be there every time you and "the guy" (you might want to use an initial or nickname here) meet? That's not really necessary. Does she think you'll get into a head butting fight like 2 rutting rams?

I think her fear is that my freaking put will push him away from her. He is single and has stated that he does not want to break up our marriage/family. So if I make him uncomfortable he will cut it off and she will hate me for that.
First of all, you can't "make" anyone feel anything. You and he are both responsible for your own emotions.

Sounds like he's afraid of breaking you 2 up, and you're afraid of losing your wife to him. You're on the same page, man. You both want to keep your marriage stable, and to add "the guy"" as a 3rd in the most respectful, comfortable way possible.

Your wife also has a responsibility here to go at a pace with "the guy" that causes the least amount of stress for you. If this relationship doesn't work out, you all bear equal blame for that. Do you really think (when you examine it) she'd hate you if it didnt work out with him, or is that just a fear of yours?

The envy emotion rears its ugly head when i think she likes him better, wants him more, etc. From my reading here, I think NRE plays a huge part in this. How can a man she met when she was 18 (shs is now 42) compete with a guy she met a few months ago from a NRE perspective? (does anyone use the term ORE - old relationship energy - because I have a lot of that to offer lol).
I like to call it Established Relationship Energy. Sounds sexier.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years
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