Thank you to everyone who responded
I was surprised ton find so many responses and sincerely thank each of you. Here's my current thinking given these responses.
1. Getting a girlfriend for me. While this is notboutside the realm of possibility at some point, I do not have the emotional energy tom devote to another relationship. It would be unfair tonthe other person because all my focusnwould be on securing my primary relationship.
2. Deepening relationship with the guy. I am ok with this idea, but my wife would like to be the one that orchestrates this. I think her feat is that my freaking put will push him away from her. He is single and has stated that he does not want to break up our marriage/family. So if I make him uncomfortable he will cut it off and she will hate me for that.
3. Understanding my jealousy and/or envy. This is the key. NYCindie, you are on target with your comments. Deep down inside me, after all these years, i think I do feel a degree of possession. I am not a jerk and I treat her very well so it is not a 'controllong' relationship. But I can't deny that the concept of possessiveness does apply here.
My jealousy stems from fear of losing what we had: a great sex life, emotional
connections, family, a future together.
The envy emotion rears its ugly head when i think she likes him better, wants him more, etc. From my reading here, I think NRE plays a huge part in this. How can a man she met when she was 18 (shs is now 42) compete with a guy she met a few months ago from a NRE perspective? (does anyone use the term ORE - old relationship energy - because I have a lot of that to offer lol).
5. Counseling. I think we would benefit from some counseling to shore up our primary relationship as we go through this. I will be asking for this.
So that's it for now. Thanks again for everyones help. I will keep you all posted as this evolves.