Originally Posted by handknit
At this point I'm not sure what I should do, or even if I can do anything. I feel that I've done everything I can to make her happy, sometimes at my own expense, and that is still not good enough for her. I'm pretty sure I will drive myself crazy continuing to be the only one to put any kind of work or effort into the relationship. I am a good person and I deserve better than that. On the other hand, I think that it's total crap that my options are to continue fighting for a potentially one-sided relationship, or lose both Q and Z entirely. It feels like a lose-lose.
And if you've gotten through that bit of teal deer... any thoughts? Is this a hopeless situation that I need to just give up on and walk away from? Has anyone been here before, trying to turn a V into a triad when the hinge is reluctant?
So stay a vee. I'm not sure why you would want to make something out of something that is obviously not going to work. Hang out with your pivot seperately and see her just to make sure you connection is not dead. Really, there is no reason to love your metamour. Sure, being friendly and able to talk to them is important, but you don't have to be buddies and you certainly don't have to create a triad out of the deal.
It sounds like she is going through a stuggle with all of this. I think I would patiently tell her what you have said here (as highlighted) and stop trying to create situations and conversations that you assume will be hard for her. Poly seems to work best when there are no assumptions and no expectations. Be yourself and be honest with yourself and them. Be open to talk about boundaries and open to asking that you have your needs met as much as them. Keep at it... it can take awhile...
firstly I would drop the triad thing though. There is no need to end everything, but just change the goal. Let it morph into what it is going to be naturally without agenda.