>Well, it sounds like your foursome has worked through a lot of issues in the >past couple years. It's great you, Ki >and Ka all get along fairly well now.
That we have! And I do genuinely like them both and they both like me. We get along very well, especially when it's just the three of us. When D is around, there is a change in the way we act and interact with each other and D. Guess it will just take time to get completely comfortable with that situation.
>It just seems boundaries need to be set about sharing time with your (very >busy) D!
We have do have some boundaries and they work fairly well. I don't know if any more would help. given the time constraints.
>I was perturbed that he broke a boundary early on, having 3way sex with Ki >and Ka that night when he told you >they wouldn't be there, and if they >were, there would not be penetration.
>I also see he neglected the Ks when he first hooked up with you. Seems to >me he gets carried away with NRE, first >for you, and then, for the Ks when >they became comfortable with 3way sex.
I think you are right about the NRE. And when the threesome started, he definitely wasn't thinking with the big head…and the same applied when we first started seeing each other.
>We don't come across a "polygynous" situation all that often here, but when >we do, it can happen that there are >infighting and struggles for primacy >between the "sister wives."
While we're not "fighting" for primacy, there is an underlying current of fear/insecurity. We've all thought: Does he love, desire, find more interesting, like one of the others more than me? I do think Ka wants to be "first" to him. He doesn't want that nor does he feel that way. She has said that her life revolves around D; Mine doesn't and neither does Ki's. I think because of that, Ka feels that she loves D more than Ki or I do and that givers her some kind of "privilege" that we don't have.
I had to overcome my own insecurities and I only did it through my own hard work. D helped, but ultimately, they were my issues and only I could resolve them. Now, I do feel secure in his feelings for me and in our relationship. Even with that, I still have a few nagging fears that I'm dealing with!
>Have you seen the documentary series Sister Wives? That family happens >to be in a religion that endorses one >man/several women marriages. Maybe >you all should watch it. In that case, the man had 3 wives, and a couple >dozen kids, and they all lived in a big house. He went to the bedroom of >each woman in order, like clockwork, one >night per woman. But then he >courted and married a 4th wife, who got a house just down the road. The >original >wives had to struggle to integrate her into their lives.
I haven't seen it. Ki and Ka watched it and bought the series on DVD and D watched it with them one weekend when they were over. I plan to watch it soon as I get the chance.
>Personally, I have such a high sex drive, I'd be totally unsatisfied with just >getting my husband once or at most >twice a week, when he is getting sex >and cuddles with a different woman every single night. I'd have to be the >man >in that situation! hehe
It's a struggle for me too! I have a high sex drive and I know Ka does. Not exactly sure where Ki's falls, but I think it's less than mine and Ka's. D does have a strong drive, but time is an issue and so is the fact that he's 50, not 20! Thank goodness for BOBs...
>How does Ki feel about only getting D once a week, and even then sharing >him with Ka? Why does Ka get to have >several nights a week with him, >when the other 2 only get one? I know she has a more open schedule, but >should >that have to mean she gets him on every one of those nights, >when the other 2 still only get one night?
>Only the 4 of you can decide this.
Ki isn't satisfied with it. She does want alone time with him and not even necessarily sexual. I still struggle with Ka being with him so much. It doesn't seem (and I HATE to use this word) fair that I get penalized because I work full time. She has an advantage over Ki and me through no fault of our own. Of course, D allows her stay those nights so I can't entirely blame her.
We had briefly discussed a rotating schedule whereby we'd all get approximately equal time to stay overnight, but that is very difficult to make work between his mine and Ki's schedule. At this point, we don't have a solution for the inequity of time issue. We just keep working through it day by day.