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Old 07-11-2011, 07:30 PM
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nouryia nouryia is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 206
Question Primary, secondary...CONFUSED!


Any feedback would be appreciated as I'm new to polyamory...

Here is some background first. I'm a female, mid-thirties and have been pretty much monogamous until spring of last year. Hubby, who is bisexual started a friend w/benefit with another bi male who is in a happy, stable triad with another male and female partner. We opened up our marriage after much thought, because I didn't want to deny my husband half of his sexuality.

Fast forward a bit to the fall of 2010: I also became involved with the new friend. We started out with occasional 3somes with my husband and it progressed to him and I also spending time alone. And somehow, we fell in love. Hubby took in a little hard at first but we've talked a lot and he is much more secure now. The friend's wife and I also play on occasion and we all get along really well, we've met each other's kids...the whole thing feels like a great extended family affair.

Now the CONFUSION. Technically speaking, hubby is my primary partner and fwb is secondary. At least in terms of time spent together and life commitment. However, as things progress, I find myself having VERY strong feelings of attachment to our friend and I see those feelings being reciprocated. He's told me that he doesn't consider me a secondary partner in terms of emotional involvement at all. I worry that the strength of our feelings might be somewhat detrimental to our primary relationships and that I'm (we are) becoming too attached. How do I keep it all together? I'm scared of messing up!

Confused in Canada.
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