Originally Posted by jasminegld
I'm going to make a radical recommendation, and send you to church. An atheist-friendly, Unitarian Universalist congregation. All the guilt and fear and loss of faith you are talking about -- these are things people deal with at church all the time. Find a UU church and talk with the minister. Or visit the online Church of the Larger Fellowship, if you don't have one close to you. Listen to the church's messages about treating each other with respect and encouraging each other, and take it to heart.
Most UU ministers know about polyamory. All of them know about guilt, fear, and loss of faith. It's their calling to minister to people who are hurting. Give one of them a chance to do so.
If you talk with a UU minister, you can tell her or him that Jasmine from UUs for Polyamory Awareness referred you. The minister might have heard of me.
Unitarian Universalist Association
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Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness
I am going to first thank you for your advice and clear up that my loss of faith is not an issue for me. It was when I was losing it but I am a happier and more fulfilled person now without it.
I know the basic premises of the unitarian structure and I know they would be inclusive of me. I still feel like it is not a path I want to walk. I have been reading a ton and continue to do so. It helps to have this forums and see similar stories from time to time.
I don't know why I somehow considered it impossible for me to fall in love with another without losing the love I had for my husband. Somehow I built up this whole structure of confidence and faith that has hurt a lot to shatter. It hurt far more than shattering my faith in a god. The guilt and shame are all my own. I cannot stand to hurt people I love. I knew it hurt him and I devolved into a paniky mess from there.
Once again thank you for your suggestions. I wont write them off completely and I will continue to consider them.