Originally Posted by sagency
being poly is not a good idea for the faint of heart. Success requires a level of introspection and generosity that many struggle with. The fact you've questioned how to handle things is a huge, strong step though.
There are two questions that have been excellent guides for my relationships (poly or mono): 1) Is this a level if crazy I'm willing to deal with? Much of what we face in life is based on our choices. For example, I've had friends who were downright toxic to me. As long as I chose to be near those folk, my life was full of unnecessary drama and angst. Sometimes the added complication is worth it, sometimes it's not, but go into it or away from it knowing that the choice is yours.
2) If there is no good answer, should I ask the question? Sometimes we seek things that do nothing but upset us when we would have been fine without ever asking. The classic example is someone asking, "Do you live me?". There are two answers: yes and no. If they say yes, why did you have to ask? Feeling insecure? Jealous? If they say no, what now? Were you not happy without having to articulate the question? Did having an answer actually help?
I really like this and was wondering if you would be interested in posting it in this thread about "lessons"
. I think it would be a really good addition if you are interested.
Thanks for considering it.
Congrats on your NRE redsol. Finding love is such a gift.
I would agree with those that have said to slow down and savour. This will develop as it will and grow if you leave it up to its natural course I think. I see relationships like gardens (thanks sourgirl
). The seeds get planted and will grow if the plant is tended and given what it needs... put if we get fussy over it or neglect it, it can die. Nature has a wonderful way of taking care of things if we leave them and just admire and take joy from where we are. We have no control sometimes and this seems like a time where you just have to wait and see. Everything will unfold and whether or not you mean as much to her will be revealed...