Well my gf stuck to her guns and insisted that the new gf meet me. I wrote the letter I referred to and got a response that basically said, that the situation sounded like an ultimatum and she didn't like it. She also said "IF" we met she wanted it to be when we both agreed to. She also stated she was not ready. I replied to her message and said that I was glad she replied. I acknowledged that the situation was uncomfortable
for all of us and that I could admit that we were making a demand. I stressed that the meeting was a demand so that I could stay involved. I also expressed a hope that we could be able one day to negotiate our needs in a way that would not have the gf feeling pulled. I stated that I was not poly but trying to follow the poly rules since I can't deny that this is the situation I am in. I also said I found comfort in her acceptance that we needed to meet before she and my gf were together again in order for me to remain involved.
The new gf has broken up with the gf over this. My gf thinks it was my email. That if I had not written the email we would have progressed and met. The new gf says that not only does she not want to meet me that she is afraid of me.
I don't know what to do. The only thing I can do to make my gf happy is to tell her to remove the demand. Any advice? I don't want her to resent me for her losing the other gf. thanks to all.