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Old 07-10-2011, 10:37 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I think the best possible thing anyone can do when it is a new relationship is to let themselves enjoy the delicious feelings without getting too attached to expectation. If you feel yourself hankering for things to move forward, it's probably really just a case of enjoying yourself so much that you want more! But in reality, if you push, if you force the situation into some kind of commitment or parameters too soon, it will just get messy and complicated.

As human beings, our biggest lessons are usually the ones that require patience. See if you can be with what is without giving into that feeling of striving to make it more. How often do we simply let ourselves revel in pleasure and joy? But our minds will tend to complicate things because, like computers, we want to delineate and compartmentalize our experiences. We want to have a frame of reference in order to know what to do and how to handle situations that are unfamiliar. But living with uncertainty and not knowing, as challenging as it can be, can give us huge rewards, beyond anything we could imagine or expect.

So, I say, Redsol, whenever you find yourself longing for more time with her, see if you can take a step back from that wanting feeling and just "sit with" the wonderful, amazing deliciousness of who she is and how you feel when together. See if you can notice your thought process when you want to push things or when you wish you were treated differently and see if it's simply a matter of wanting more of being touched in a way you haven't allowed before. Perhaps you feel that she is somehow filling some sort of "hole" or lack within you, that you maybe never knew you had, or that being with her fulfills a need. That's okay. Maybe it's just a simple level of discomfort around something in your life working so well and being just so damned so good, that you want to move it along instead of just feeling it. How good are you willing to let your life be?

If you can just start to see things more clearly, you will develop more patience and appreciation for what you now have in your life without wistfully hoping for more or feeling also that it is inadequate if it doesn't progress more fully and quickly. Then things can develop and grow deeper naturally, organically, when the time is truly right for that to happen.

Hope this helps!
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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