I was introduced to poly through meeting someone online. He lived a 7 hour drive from me and had an existing partner when we met. (He was the hinge of our eventual V relationship) We talked reg. on the phone (weekly) and I drove the 7 hours to meet and spend time with them a couple of times. We also spent a week camping together (extended family) at an S.C.A. event. I did the driving because they were raising her son and she was working and in college so it was easier for me to get away (as a single person whose children were grown and out of the home.)
I ultimately moved to be closer to them (and for employment and medical reasons, too, not just the relationship.) I lived with them the first month. We all seemed to get along well. I then moved to my own place closer to where I worked.....which was about an hour from where they lived. (This had been the plan agreed to by all 3 of us all along.) While I didn't expect to see our guy daily, I did think I'd at least be with him once a week, and some weekends shared with the family. 3 months into this arrangement he decided that I lived too far away to make any kind of regular commitment to seeing me weekly. He wanted our relationship to be "fun", not "work". (I was willing to make the drive to their home since his job kept him on the road most of the day. He was a hospice nurse. I'm a hospice social worker, but didn't cover near as much territory as he did daily.)
I was hesitant about entering a poly relationship in general. It was all so new to me with so many unknowns. I told him up front that I had no interest in being in a secondary role in a poly relationship, but in a shared primary. He agreed that he didn't want me in a secondary role. When he decided it was too stressful and too much work to commit to seeing me on at least a once a week basis requiring a one hour drive, I decided this relationship wasn't for me. I was accused of being jealous and emotionally immature and needy by both of them...and "probably not cut out for polyamory."
Last edited by dragonflysky; 07-10-2011 at 09:49 PM.