Originally Posted by Blondie2
I'm trying to figure this all out as well. I've been introduced to the idea of 'open relationships' after having been married for many years. I've met someone who is in an open relationship with his girlfriend and he asked me if I'd be interested in exploring polyamory.
Honestly, I am interested in exploring the polyamorous lifestyle but I've had moments of sheer confusion about it.
The guy I'm involved with is new to it as well. Interestingly, he decided to try polyamory after his girlfriend hinted about it. I'm trying to create a friendship based relationship with him as that is the most important to me, with this guy. I'd also like to have sex with him, so in a sense, I'd like a 'friends with benefits' relationship with him, but with friendship being the foundation. I'm not in it with him JUST for sex. I've told him that and he understands that.
The thing is, he thinks it's great being polyamorous because he said he can 'flirt his ass off and it's great'. Ok, so what does that mean, exactly?
I know that guys think very differently to women, so I think that's why I'm frustrated about this relationship I'm in with him, but at the same time, I'd like to persue a friendship relationship with him as that's most important to me.
Anyway, I've not really asked any questions here or mentioned any relation to your situation, per se, so I guess I'm sort of venting also?!
If you read this and have anything to say or any advice, I'd appreciate that.
I think the act of flirting itself can be fun and exciting and one of the reasons why I'm so interested in this lifestyle. Being able to meet new people and have new experiences is what I'm starting to really thrive on and I'm just assuming that he also likes this feeling (who doesn't!). I wouldn't read too much into that comment.
From the beginning I was very open minded to the possibilities of this relationship dynamic and I think if you remain open and be able to communicate then it will get easier and feel more natural. I always tell her that I'm just rolling with it and dealing with things as they come, trying not to get too caught up in the small details, and just have fun and get to know each other. I don't know if this is the best way of going about this, but it feels good for now and so I'll continue with it.
Originally Posted by sagency
Redsol: probably the best advice I can offer is that you keep communication open. As a new relationship, there is a strong impulse to share a lot, and that can go too far, so try to balance honest openness against eager pushiness.
I worry when you write that you feel put out by coming in second or third. You're the new guy, so it's understandabke that your aren't in tge same position. Where you stay or go in thise terms is something you'll have to work out with her over time. Patience is also as hard but as valuable as honesty with poly relationships.
Thank you for this Sagency. I know it must take a lot of patience for this type of a relationship, but hearing someone else reaffirm it makes me feel much better. I have been completely open to her and experiences and have communicated this to her many times.
You are right about the eagerness. I really need to slow down as sometimes I tend to over think/contemplate things.
I am also finding that because we are both relatively new to this, we are both working on communication and openness and so there are times when I am unclear as to what she may be thinking or feeling. I don't push for info, but she has been a little bit resistant on sharing certain aspects of her life. I hope this will change in time...