excerpts from my initial letter to Pretty Lady
I wrote a letter to Pretty Lady about 4 1/2 months into my relationship with Wendigo (her husband). It was something I'd been incredibly nervous to do, at first, but after a month of chatting online both with him as the in-between and w/o I realized that I needed to do it. I don't know if this will help you, as you are hoping to be the primary in your situation, if not getting your GF back all to yourself and I was reaching out to my secondaries primary, who is now my OOSO. But I thought that it might illustrate the tone you should use. I know that you are hurting, but if you go at it from a place of compassion and respect, she might be more willing to meet you halfway, and it will show your GF that while you are uncomfortable with the situation, you are trying to be respectful of her decisions. Writing from the heart and using "I" statements instead of "you need to" statements may also help her feel less manipulated and pressured. Good Luck!
"Pretty Lady, I've been trying to write this for a while now. So forgive me if its rushed or jumbled. Wendigo told me last night that you're a little concerned about my feeling for him and I know that you probably read what I told him, but I wanted to hear it from me. I think this conversation should have happened a while ago, but I wasn't even sure you'd talk to me then."
"I believe that you can love more than one person in different ways. I also personally believe that there are people who are fated to come into your life. That those people each carry with them a piece of your heart.... Wendigo holds a piece of my heart. I'd be less of who I am without him in my life. There are a handful of people that I've adopted - they called out to me on a psychic level.....Unfortunately, me adopting people comes with a price, I'm over protective of the people I call mine and probably a tad bit possessive too. But I'm loyal to my friends and I'll do anything for them. I'm glad that we're getting to be friends and I don't want to screw that up. And just to be clear on something else, I'd want to be your friend even if you weren't married to Wendigo."
"I'm not going to ask you to stop worrying about my feelings towards Wendigo. You're his wife, its your place, but know that I love Runic Wolf and am truly lost and empty without him. So I understand how you must feel about Wendigo."